Two years in Las Vegas now. I've grown but at what expense? I joined a band that I never thought I would do again because it seemed like the place to put my passion into and worthy of it. I just wrapped too much passion into and got involved with the main songwriter. Fail. Really because I acted out of low self-esteem and which only just served to hurt my own voice.
Months of alcohol and escape turning into two years but here I am again revisiting it to start anew because, surprise, it didn't work out. I know I'm overly pessimistic: stemming from my immaturity and lack of self-control. I've felt paralyzed but I feel a new strength now. Something in which still to explore. But now it's a different calling. And I have the ability to move forward in it unlike before where I really was unable to emotionally and physically.
I think my biggest hurdle is spiritually though. I feel a deep sense of being out touch with myself. I'm finishing an arrangement of a song now when I felt on the precipice of my musical awakening in Nashville. But I'm pushing myself to have a voice in it and actually sing it. So that's going to be a challenge. It's in my upper range where I'm the weakest. It's going to be some work and experimentation but I want to see it through and give it a shot that I will take time with to develop. So maybe in a couple months, cause the backing tracks are basically done. It's a very pretty, hopeful arrangement, and maybe my last Overclocked Remix.
I have little desire to do any more arrangements. I plan to work on developing my own tracks and to see about collaborating those ideas with others. It'll be a couple years of woodshedding before I'm ready for a public display.
My new goals are to be held accountable and to try to keep updates and be publicly social as I grow in this time. It's a lot of new things at once but I want to push and grow. So for anyone who watches I hope I can come through. Maybe I'll find support through others or maybe I'll only find it from myself but this avenue I think is sobering which is why I'm going to use it no matter the result. So stay tuned. Let's just not update this blog in two years from now again. Haha.
